The Quibbler
by Fruitilicious
Summary: Ever thought it would be amusing to read the Quibbler? Ever wondered what odd, bizarre stories it would print? Read here as Luna Lovegood Thomas takes the Quibbler from her father's hands.
1. Crumple Horned Snorkack

** 1 **

** New Sightings on the Crumple horned Snorkack.**

** G**ood news, readers, there's been a very recent sighting of the Crumple-Horned Snorkack in Finland. 'I saw one briefly before it scampered away.' says Augistimo Fellepellegrino. 'I can't believe that they're in Finland, they were only known to be in Sweden, from my knowledge. Seeing a Crumple-Horned Snorkack was a wonderful experience for me, as they are known to be very rare. My wife, Violetta, and I plan to go and search the area for activity.'

Crumple-Horned Snorkacks, as we know, have only ever been seen in Sweden. Could this mean that they have migrated? Or have they really been there all along without anyone noticing them? If so, either way, maybe they would be able to withstand London's climate. Perhaps, at the very least, they could have a duration of stay at Hogwarts, in the grounds.

Xenophilius Lovegood reports 'I even found a exquisite Crumple-Horned Snorkack horn. Unfortunately, it was lost when my house blew up when Potter last visited me.' His comment on actually having found a horn from the Crumple-Horned Snorkack, has been raising many eyebrows and excitement within the wizarding community. We have to, sadly, report that Xeno actually finding a horn is only 25% possible from 100%.

'Logic explains, and also my eye-witness account, for I assure you I was there,' Hermione Granger tells us. 'Is that the horn was not from a Crumple-Horned Snorkack at all, but it was actually an Erumpent horn. And when not handled cautiously and carefully, it can be extremely dangerous.'

We all know that Crumple-Horned Snorkacks are very shy and highly magical, so if you manage to see one, capture one, or gain any other information about one, please don't hesitate to contact Luna Thomas (Lovegood), or write a piece to the editors of the Quibbler.

**Author's note: Oh joy for the invention of 'The Quibbler'! -Miss Lovegood.**


	2. Muggle Songs

**Muggle Songs-Alluring or Addictive?**

For most people muggle songsare just nice, soft, alluring songs. Something to sway or swing your hips to, or maybe something to calm down or fall asleep to. Many wizards, witches (and, of course, muggles) have enjoyed their songs over the century's, and say that they are some of the most harmless songs written.

**But **_**are**_** they?**

Recent reports have shown that people who listen to muggle songs have the lyrics stuck in their head, almost etched into their skulls! Even some have had a case so bad, they have even been forced to sing the words out loud. What is the cause of all this? The new generation of songwriters, that's what's happening. Songs such as: I kissed a girl, Love song, Let it rock, Carol of the bells and more have been secretly fusing themselves into listeners brains. Could it be that they have developed a kind of longing not to be forgotten? Or maybe there is someone wanting to take revenge on the human race, and this is his/her's way of doing it. Even the great Harry Potter has been taken in to the insanity. 'Some of the new songs, I spend all day singing, it's that bad.' he reports.

Others say that this is just all a matter of memory and illusion. 'It's all part of your memory, no one is taking revenge on the human race.' Molly Weasley tells us, rolling her eyes almost audibly. How can we be sure, though? Well, that's up to you to decide.

**Author's Note: I have a friend that will also soon be helping me write some articles.  
Yours,  
Miss Lovegood.**


	3. Purple FungPeppers

**New Discovery-Purple Fung-Peppers!**

This has been a very recent discovery lately. The "Purple Fung-Peppers", a species thought to long be extinct. They have very useful qualities-being about to create dung into a nice-smelling fertilizer_(Note: Farmers and the whatnot use dung anyways, but this time it'll smell god if a Purple Fung-Pepper is involved.)_, turning leaves into a sugary pulp and being able to cut through almost anything. Now, these were discovered just last week-but we have had to wait to publish.

Now, Mrs. Hermione Granger has come to us once again with an exasperated comment about the so call "Purple Fung-Peppers". "These are not 'Purple Fung-Peppers', as you so call them. They are just mutated Gurdy roots, probably made dangerous by some thief who's never worked an honest day in his life." She is, as always, ignorant of the truth and unable to open up her mind. Yes, as my father once said-very narrow minded.

But, handling these have been known occasionally to be dangerous. There have been reports of these randomly spontaneously combusting. Which, I suppose, was one of the very reasons we wizards tried to destroy it in the first place.

**A/N: Well, here's another chapter for you all! Miss Luna Lovegood out.**


	4. Leprechauns

**The Quibbler-Leprechauns on the prowl?**

Luna , your aspiring journalist, her to report back to you.  
A recent eye witness account tells that even though St. Patrick's day is long past, Leprechauns are on the move! Apparently, these sneaky creatures have been visiting Hogwarts, sneaking into the Slytherin common room.  
The witness, by the name of Almanzo Eastwood, related to the famous muggle Clint Eastwood, reported "I saw them myself, sneaking into our common room. They stole thirty of our scarfs! I suspect it was because they are green and that Slytherin's the best house. They even left some gold! Though, we found out it was Leprechaun because... it vanished five hours later....". He seemed completely sure of the truth, and IF it is true about the Leprechauns, we advise you all to be extremely cautious with your belongings.

_BUT: __**IS**__ IT TRUE?_

Other students at Hogwarts give reason to believe that this is only a hoax. Mary-Anne Parkinson, disowned daughter of Pansy Parkinson, who was at Hogwarts in my time. She, Pansy, was never very nice at all.... So, Mary-Anne says "Anything Almanzo says is crap, so don't even listen. Those weren't Leprechauns, they were those filthy Gryffindors! Almanzo is a *mudblood* anyways, I don't even know how he got into Slytherin...."  
Her comments leave the trail of the Leprechauns troubled, but rest assured: not entirely false.  
So: the decision is up to you. Are there really Leprechauns at Hogwarts? Or is it really just those charming Gryffindors pranking the Slytherins?

**-Luna Lovegood Thomas.**

***Don't miss the next issue: Sitings of Voldemort's Ghost?**

**Author's Note: How's this for my readers, eh?**


	5. Voldimort's ghost

**_Sitings of Voldimort's ghost-is it true?_**

There have been numerous reports of a strange phantom apparition appearing just east to Godric's Hollow Cemetery, where our own hero's parent's, James and Lily Potter rest in peace. This "phantom" is said to look like the treacherous fallen Dark Lord, You-Know-Who, who was defeated by the brave Harry Potter in what would have been his 7th year at Hogwarts, though he did not attend because of some secret operation. The phantom usually appears at night, when the nights are cold are the days are warm. (Which I must say is the perfect time for maple syrup to be extracted from trees! Mmm... I was over at Canada once and just fell in love with the scrumptious treat!)  
The ghost has even been known to make gut-wrenching sounds, which make the observers run away quickly in fright, though this could possibly just be one of the many prankster of the village, or perhaps one of the many various magical creatures we have in our realm.  
Roonil Wasibly says, "Okay, first of all Luna, my name is _Ron_ _Weasley_, and second, Hermione made me come here to tell you that there is no such thing as a ghost. You know, you really seem to be provoking her." and claims that this is just a trick of the mind.  
But really, should we believe him? After all, there have even been true sitings from muggles of apparitions before.  
The decision is up to you, of course, as there is no way to prove, OR NOT PROVE, that this is a hoax or real.

**Please say your opinion in the review you are about to make!**

**-Luna Lovegood**

**Author's Note: So, please tell me in a REVIEW whether or not you think that this is a hoax, or something real. Will you be narrow-minded like Hermione or open like Luna?**


End file.
